When the storm hits

Recently, my family experienced a tragedy. An event of deep, unimaginable heartbreak. Something of such intensity that you have absolutely no choice but to be fully drenched by the storm. 

As I find my way back to the ‘everyday’ I took a moment to reflect and pause and ask if - and how - the mindfulness practices I share with others helped me navigate this shattering event. 

What I found is that mindfulness didn't stop the pain, but it changed how I could be with it. The groundedness that comes from years of practice helped me to be present to - and to honour - the deep sadness and sorrow without hiding, denying it or pushing it away.

I was also able to notice times when I was spiralling and getting stuck in a loop of negative thoughts and feelings. In those moments, I didn't force myself to meditate. I simply redirected my attention to watch something happy on Netflix. This wasn't "avoidance" - it was a mindful choice to pause for a few minutes and then revisit the emotions later, when I had the capacity to gently listen to what they needed.

Through mindfulness I already had more understanding of the little things that can support me in difficult times, so I was able to take care of my needs better. When I had energy I reached out to friends to schedule at least one human interaction each day to make sure I didn’t get lost in sadness and sorrow. And instead of going to a yoga class (which felt too much for many reasons) I pumped up the tyres on my bicycle and went riding barefoot through the forest, which nourished my body and soul. I was also able to excuse myself from work and events that felt too overwhelming without feeling the usual guilt for breaking a commitment.

These might sound like very small things, but they all added up to something big - it allowed me to stay present with the varied turbulent emotions and thoughts without being destroyed by them. This in turn enabled me to more fully support those who were closer to the storm.

Something that resonated deeply with me at this time was a piece of wisdom from the sage Shantideva that I had shared just days before. He spoke of how we can use adversity to soften ourselves rather than let it harden us into bitterness. In the middle of the pain, I held onto this aspiration: "May this suffering make me kinder." As I write this I just stumbled on the same sentiment from Pema Chodron - wisdom she received as a young girl from an old woman sat in the sun “Little girl, don’t you go letting life harden your heart.”

If you are currently struggling in your own storm, I invite you to ask: Is there one thing I can do - a walk, a rest, a meal with friends - that brings at least a glimmer of ease my way? 

May we all find the strength to stay soft and open.